So, on a muggy Sunday morning, while the rest of the world may or may not have been drinking their coffee, contemplating whether to make pancakes or waffles, or finishing a 15-mile run (you know who you are!), I was standing in Forest Park, in the middle of downtown St. Louis, decked out in my best Bike Geek look ( think bejeweled sunglasses baggy shorts, and argyle knee-high socks), ready to hop on Tigger (newly outfitted with cyclocross clipless pedals) and hit the streets for Urban Assault St. Louis 2010 (brought to you by New Belgium Brewing, blingy sunglasses, and copious amounts of coffee).
Me and Peter... he is trying to convince me that there is a gun show somewhere around there. I am not convinced.
We lined up in on a grass field alongside chickens, boyscouts, Scotsmen, and a Pauly Girl. Fake mustaches and Pippy braids peaking out of helmets. Our bikes were positioned 200 yds off with 400 other bikes of all persuasion, mountain bikes, townies, road and cross. At the sound of the horn, 400 peope in cycling shoes descended on the pile of bikes and then scattered in 19 directions. Why 19 exactly? Well, we had six (plus one, mystery spot to be determined later) checkpoints around town that we had to visit in any order and there were at least three ways to get to each one that people had planned and predetermined. That's 18. And one guy had to go to the bathroom already. That's 19.
I did what any self-respecting bike geek would do. I mapped them all in gmap using the bike route function (google, evil or not, that application is excellent). Then I moved around the checkpoints to see which one gave me the lowest total mileage. Here's the end result:
You'll notice the Mississippi river on the right.... and that is all the way to Brentwood on the left. Far. All those dotted and solid green lines (?) those are designated bikeways and streets. Who said St. Lou isn't a bike-friendly town?
We had a plan, we had bikes, we had water and Clif drink. We had consumed 50 mg of caffeine each (one espresso and one Mocha Clif Shot). And we were wearing sunglasses. Hit it!
So, of the 19 possible directions, we headed due East first along with about 15-20 other riders. Peloton-style, taking up two lanes on one of the busiest streets in downtown St. Louis... and we owned it! Hardly any cars, and only a few bewildered early-rising citizens.
I mentioned we had checkpoints, these weren't just checkpoints. These were challenges, and right off the bat we faced a big one.... wait for the elevator at City Museum with the rest of the urban assaulters or run up the 7 flights in MTB shoes? We are hard-core... we ran up the stairs, after going hypoxic on the bike for 5-miles. I was dripping sweat and I thought Peter was going to throw-up before we got to the top. On the way down we were both kind of quiet, and my only thoughts were, I know I am fit enough for this from all my trail running, but I need to get Peter back on a bike STAT.
The next leg was thankfully short, and the challenge was only to pick up our clue for the mystery stop. This is where the maps came in handy and my 12-yr old knowledge of St. Louis failed us. We went pedaling through Soullard, by Lafayette Square, Tower Grove Park, Clifton Heights, backroads and bike friendly greenways the whole time. Seeing these streets and their relative emptiness gave me some confidence and clues for some amazing urban adventures to have this fall (I'm thinking, cycling down to Soullard Market or going and getting coffee and crepes in swanky Central West End).
But, I said that my knowledge failed us. We successfully found all the mapped checkpoints, excelled at human bowling, piggy-backed croquet, maneuvered a brakeless tricycle through a winding course, and all that just fun. But, we came within 2 blocks of the mystery checkpoint and passed it on by... having to back-track almost four miles for our fuly-clothed swim in the Holiday Inn pool. C'est la vie.
Back in Forest Park and the finish line, we got down to business: passing through the jumpy castle, attempting bike limbo (my handlebars are too high), watching some disturbing dancing contests, "tasting" beers, and generally enjoying a community of cyclists and citizens who take their Sunday morning fun factor very seriously. Thanks Stacey (our new New Belgium friend) and NB brewery for an unprecedented amount on adventure on a "lazy" Sunday.
For pictures of this event, go here. For results (if you care about stuff like that), go here. For the event website go here. For Simon Says, go here.
