Brainwashing.

Or just conditioning, ala Pavlov's dogs? I can't seem to find my measuring cups. They used to be in the drawer with all the other non-utensil-utensils. Until that drawer got to full and I got tired of wrenching it open or feeling around blindly among the knives and spatulas to move the beater that was blocking me from opening the drawer all the way. So, I moved them. Somewhere. Every morning this week, I have opened that drawer expecting to immediately pull out the 3/4 cup for the water and 1/4 cup for the oatmeal (please don't comment on measuring out water with a cup, all you foodies). Instead, I stare blankly for a second and then spend an extra few minutes rifling through cabinets and drawers for the new resting place which I forget everyday. It's hard to break a habit once it has set in. Good ones and bad ones. The lucky among us all get good habits to stick: working out in the morning, eating oatmeal, avoiding diet soda, taking a daily vitamin, smiling at strangers (this is a habit... as is frowning or pretending that you don't see me... you see me. Smile already!) The not so lucky: always forget to turn out the lights (wasting electricity), making the 3:00pm run to the snack machine for Oreos, getting the more expensive-fatty-sugary-mocha instead of regular coffee. It's a struggle.

What's al the about? I have brainwashed myself. I am convinced that my plantar fasciitis will never go away, that it will hurt every time I even think of running. I put on my running shoes and I flex my foot and imagin terrible foot pain. I walk around and fell as if every step is moving me farther away from getting to run. When in reality there is only a little bit right now. But after two false starts, 100s of dollars in PT and doctor bills and massage, pain, disappointment, I can't imagine running without pain and so I won't hop on the treadmill for more than 5 minutes. And definitely not until I have had at least a 30 minute warm-up on the elliptical/stair-climber-rowing machine (I have athletic ADD). I can't believe I ran a whole marathon last year.... on concrete... in racing flats. What I need is to run with a pillow under foot that also has tons of biomechanical support. Maybe something out of memory foam.

So, after I get done watching the Tour this morning, I am heading to the gym. I will jump on the elliptical and I will hit the rowing machine and then I will attempt the treadmill. Maybe eight minutes this morning. After all that, I'm hugely lucky that I know at least I will be able to run again.... some day.